Have you ever felt the need to know what others think of you? Do you observe how people behave when they are around you? Have you ever been compelled by your inner self or surroundings to seek validation or sympathy from others? Do you feel bad when you don’t get enough time and attention from the people you live with or admire? Unsurprisingly, you are not alone!
Getting Attention is a trait of humans that has existed since we stayed in caves and hunted for food. Initially developed as a need to stay safe and survive, it has helped humans build relationships, civilizations, cultures and the whole social system we see today. In this post today, I will discuss this very basic yet important trait of humans. The post is designed as a self-evaluation walkthrough, and you can reap the maximum benefit if you can relate it to your personality and interpersonal skills.
Before we proceed, I would like to mention that the following are my personal views and should not be used as expert advice. If you are here to seek help with any psychological/social issues, I would recommend consulting a professional practitioner.
So, Do you need Attention?
Since the stone age, humans have always used every possible attribute (e.g. physical strength, appearance, intellect, communication and others) to win the attention of fellow humans. Due to several reasons, it was practically more intellectual to be a part of a group. It helped humans find and gather food, ensure safety from the wild ecosystem and undesirable natural phenomena (weather, hazards etc.), establish civil policies in times of crisis, etc.
With evolution, the trait was retained to support new social structures and civilizations. The trait is so ingrained into us that even a newborn with limited knowledge and means of interacting with others comes up with actions and strategies to catch and retain the attention of his/her parents or people he/she trusts. (Trust is another important trait to discuss, but some other day.)
Why gain attention?
An easy answer is “Social Acceptance”. In the early ages of human life, the social system was built around the need for survival and existence. In these small groups, it was needed that every member was recognized individually and he/she followed a certain code of conduct to continue to be a part of the system. The criterion for acceptance was never fixed and kept changing over time on the basis of culture, demographics, civilization, historical events and many other factors.
But in current times, where the human population has grown extensively, and the possibilities of survival have increased manifold, do we still need the attention of others? The answer is ‘Yes’, more than ever. Today, our whole social system is built around the concepts of identity, validation and hierarchy. Further, globalization and the democratization of societies have made the trait even more important. Maybe not for survival (as in a life-death situation) but for inclusion, recognition, and motivation. In such a situation, it becomes important to accept the fact that it is natural and necessary to seek the attention of people around us. However, the difficult question is –
How much is “Okay”?
Globalization has increased the reach and social circle of the humans. Early humans lived with a small group of people, and their primary reasons for socializing were survival and reproduction only. However, over the course of time, new keywords have been added to the wishlist of human life such as entertainment, career, relationships, lifestyle, recognition etc. With the advent of the internet and social media, it has become easier to build and be part of communities spread across countries and cultures.
These digital communities are driven by newly found purposes, individual interests and current trends rather than the basic needs of life. The millennials and GenZs actively rely on these interest-based communities to get recognition while avoiding the longer cycles of validation and acceptance in conventional societies.
However, deriving from the historical knowledge of evolution, these digital platforms have designed mechanisms to utilize and promote the trait of seeking attention among humans. Which as always, helps in the growth and stability of these communities. But, on the other hand, it increases the spectrum of people, communities and cultures where a person has to seek acceptance, and as a pre-requisite, seek attention.
The Alternate Perspective
While the ability to gain attention is important for social reasons, it does not contribute to individual progress beyond a certain point. It helps us establish an identity and acceptance in the target community, but hinders growth if one cannot focus on self-improvement. In today’s competitive world, in every community, you are expected to demonstrate certain skills and generate desirable results to be considered worthy of offering prolonged/recurring attention (and eventually the results of attention such as promotions, business, awards, fame etc.). Identifying the skills desired in your target community and the skills you are currently pursuing becomes very important. A mismatch can lead to results which are not favourable to the community and leads to a lack of acceptance.
Planning for future goals, requires drawing perspectives from existing social context and breaking out from the addictive satisfaction of gaining attention. It can be a difficult and recurring process to be able to draw a line where the need to gain attention causes an individual to run away from experiencing the pain of self-improvement or completely ignore the need of acceptance in other communities (physical or virtual). If you think, you do not have any such borderline checks or you are experiencing difficulties in adapting to such self-defined measures, you may be experiencing what is known as the “Addiction” of seeking attention.
What? Addiction?
Yes, and it is more common than you may think of. If you look around closely, you will find many people with daily activity records clearly demonstrating the addiction of seeking attention from a certain community. For e.g. a school boy striving for a certain Rank on a Mobile Game, a college girl posting numerous selfies on social media, a corporate employee spending hours on delivering presentations, a politician sparking controversies etc. Some of them are aligned with their life goals while many others may not be.
Surprisingly, despite of being such a trivial trait of humans, most of us are either unaware of it or do not accept it until it takes the form of addiction and starts spoiling the social balance required for a happy and fulfilling life. Ironically, most leadership mistakes and relationship issues can also be associated with the unawareness of an individual towards the need for attention and validation in the team/partner/spouse etc. I would like to conclude this discussion here with the verdict that one can lead a more balanced and controlled life if he/she actively plans and manages the desire, as basic and naïve as, seeking the attention of people around us.
So do you think that we should be more aware of the need for attention within ourselves and the people around us? Can you spot the signs of attention-seeking behaviour and how you manage it?
Let me know in the comments!
